Runaway
by justwanttologin
Summary: Bella has a good life until her baby is born and suddenly she feels trapped. She runs away from her family and friends and starts a new life. Bella/Sam, Bella/Jasper
1. Chapter 1

Leah's POV

Sam, my ex-boyfriend but still a good friend just called me to tell me his wife and my very best friend disappeared. I tell him he's crazy, she would never leave Sadie, their 2 month old daughter. He asks me to come over and keep Sadie while he goes to look for her.

"Jake, Sam needs me to keep Sadie while he looks for Bella." I tell my boyfriend who is watching some game on TV.

"What do you mean find Bella? Why does he have Sadie but not know where Bella is?" He loses all attention in the game and gets ready to come while I tell him what little I know. He and Bella grew up together and she's like a sister to him.

She actually introduced us and I introduced her to Sam. I didn't mean to but it all worked out for the best. We had just broken up because Sam wanted to get married and I was not ready for that. We were only 20. He had come to my house one day to pick up some random stuff and Bella showed up so I could help her with some math homework. She's so smart when it comes to most things but math she's pretty dumb. That's how we met. She needed a tutor her freshman year and I was the lucky one. We spent so much time on it we became really close. She was walking upstairs when Sam came around the corner and scared the crap out of her making her lose her balance and tumble down. She's good like that. She ended up breaking her leg and he had to drive us to the hospital because my brother took my car and her car is a stick which I can't drive. It was kind of love at first broken leg even though they both tried to fight it for me. But being the great person I am I gave them my blessing and they got married 6 months later.

She had just graduated and her parents and Jake were furious. But neither of them cared. It was accept them or leave her alone. Jake accepted them; she hasn't spoken to her parents since the day before her wedding.

6 months after that she was pregnant. Being a wife fit her perfectly and she could not have been happier about being a mom. I'm just glad it's not me. Jake has no more interest in marriage or kids than I do.

Since Sadie has been born she's been happy but, I don't know, off? I tried to talk to her about it a few times and she just says she's tired and hormonal and what do I know? So I dropped it but now I'm thinking I was right.

As soon as we get to their house Sam tells me everything he knows. Bella left this morning leaving Sadie with Claire, the teenager next door, and she took all $5000 in cash she keeps in a wipey box for emergencies. Her cell phone was on the kitchen table.

"She's gone Leah. She took cash with no phone. She's gone and she doesn't want me to find her." I think he's been crying.

"Maybe you shouldn't have forced her into marriage and being a parent when she's only 19 years old. Dammit Sam! This is all your fault!" Jake yells at him and Sadie starts screaming.

"Jake stop it! Now is not the time for this." I tell him. But maybe he's right. Bella always talked about moving before she was with Sam. She wanted to move to a big city and write and be a waitress at a coffee shop until she wrote her first bestseller. She watched too much TV basically. But Sam had a life here, a good job, and all his family that he is super close to. So she settled for here. She never told Sam any of this.

"Maybe your right Jake but I love her and she is my wife and Sadie's mom and we need her." Sam looks broken.

"I'm sure she'll be back. You can't really go looking for her. She's probably on a plane or train by now. It sucks but all we can really do is call everyone we know and hope she comes back. And I'm sure she will." We all three know I'm lying.

So we start calling everyone we can possibly think of including her parents and the people that work at the bookstore she worked at before Sadie was born. We called Sam's mom and all his sisters and even the coffee shop Bella hangs out at a lot. Nothing.

Sam leaves even though we all know he's not going to get anywhere and Jake and I stay with Sadie. He comes back hours later with nothing. We go home even though I don't really want to leave him.

"What if we never see her again Lee?" Jake asks me in bed that night.

He's her best friend and he's known her longer than anyone. If he thinks she's not going to come back then I have to think the same.


	2. Chapter 2

Bella's POV

Two days ago I woke up to my baby daughter crying and suddenly I just couldn't take it anymore. I thought this was what I wanted but now I can't imagine being the good little wife and mother for the next god knows how many years. And Sam wants more kids. I love him, so much. I gave up my dreams and my parents for him. But I was happy and then I found out I was pregnant and life seemed so perfect. Then Sadie was born and I don't know what changed but I feel trapped.

I packed a few things, took all my emergency cash, asked the teenager neighbor to keep Sadie until Sam got home, took a cab to the train station and ended up in Seattle. I got a motel room and I'm now I'm just sitting here thinking what now?

I can find a job and just start my life over. I will send Sam and Lee and Jake a postcard so they know I'm not dead. I know I am hurting them but they will all be OK. My Sadie will have her daddy and his mom and sisters and Lee to fill in for me. They probably love her more than I do anyways.

I try to sleep but instead I toss and turn all night. It's hard to sleep without Sam beside me. I get up early the next morning, get dressed, leave the hotel and wander the street looking for somewhere to eat. I find this perfect little coffee shop, the kind I used to dream of working in and get a muffin and some coffee. I take out my notebook and start writing and get lost in it. I haven't written a single thing since before Sadie was born and I fill pages and pages without even really thinking.

"Can I get you some more coffee?" His voice startles me and I look up in the most beautiful eyes.

"Oh no thank you. I'm sorry should I leave? I didn't mean to take up the table for so long."

"You're perfectly fine there. You just look exhausted." He has the kindest voice.

"I didn't sleep very well last night." Then I wonder why I told him that.

"I'm so sorry. Well if you need anything else just let me know. My name is Edward."

I tell him thanks and try to get back into the writing but the flow is broken. I pack up my stuff and just as I am about to walk out the door Edward stops me and asks me if I want to get some lunch or something, he gets off in about 15 minutes. I say sure because he looks so hopeful and really what else do I have to do?

He tells me all about his family, including brothers and sister and how they own the coffee shop. He tells me about his childhood and college and past relationships.

I tell him I'm adventuring before I have to grow up. I feel bad leaving out the fact that I am married with a newborn baby and I abandoned them 3 days ago but I barely know this guy. It's not my fault he's a talker.

"Will you come back to Perks?" He asks as I get out of his car where he drops me off at the motel.

"If you really don't mind me sitting there and writing I will probably be back often."

"See you soon then." He drives off and I go back to my gloomy room.

I only last about 10 minutes sitting there before I am back out walking around. I find a drugstore and go in to buy postcards. I will send one to Sam and one to Jake and Lee. Only then they will know where I am. Sure Seattle is big but between the three of them they could probably find me. If I had a computer I could send one from online. Why didn't I take my laptop? If I find a job soon I can use some of the money I already have to buy some kind of tablet. Lee has a Kindle that seems pretty nice. Tomorrow I will go to the coffee shop for just a little while and then I will start looking for a job. Oh I guess I should get a phone so people can call me back.

Running away and starting your life over is hard.


	3. Chapter 3

Sam's POV

I got a postcard from Bella.

Sam,

I love you and Sadie so much but I can't be who you need me to be. I don't think I can come back and I think you need to just forget I exist. Love Sadie enough for both of us.

I will always love you, Bella

She mailed it from some website so I can't tell where she is. She's been gone two weeks and I get a freaking postcard telling me to forget her.

I get a text from Jake saying he got a postcard too.

Leah has decided Bella has postpartum depression. That she knew something seemed off about her. That would explain her running off but how bad of a husband would I have to be to not notice that? Jake still thinks it was all too much too fast, I'm four years older than her. I was ready for marriage and parenthood and she wasn't. Either way I didn't notice there was a problem. I failed her and I failed Sadie.

From her postcard depression makes sense. She can't be who I need her to be? I don't think I ever expected too much from her. When I asked her to marry me she was surprised but she said yes with no hesitation. And Sadie was a surprise but Bella was so happy.

I remember the day Sadie was born and the way Bella looked at her in pure adoration. Where did it all go wrong?

But life goes on. It has too; I have a job to do and a daughter to raise. My mom keeps her while I work but I hardly sleep anymore. I didn't realize how much work she was. So my poor Bella was probably overwhelmed, and exhausted and depressed and I missed it all.

Jake's POV

I've never been a fan of Sam. I mean what kind of a man breaks up with a girlfriend because she won't marry you at 20 years old? And then turns around and starts dating her best friend and marry her when she's only 18? Leah and Bella always defended him saying everything happened the way it was supposed to and Sam and Leah just wanted different things and blah blah blah.

But now I hate him. I wish he would give us Sadie and just disappear. How do you live with someone and not notice they feel trapped? Bella's so young. She's 19 and she's always been really mature. I always thought once she got a little older and moved away she would let loose and party then. But because of Sam she never got the chance. Instead she gave up her dreams, got married, lost her parents and had a kid. I want her back but she's going to make sure it doesn't happen.

I want her back but he doesn't deserve her back.


	4. Chapter 4

Bella's POV

It's been one month since I left. I think about Sam and Sadie everyday but at the same time I'm a little happier every day. I got a job at the coffee shop so I spend almost all my time there in between writing and working. Edward has been a great friend and we occasionally go out for lunch or dinner.

I get to the coffee shop and Edward comes up to me all excited about something.

"I have someone you should meet!" He practically yells at me. I don't want to meet anyone. What does he mean? Why?

He drags me over to this man who is absolutely gorgeous. The men in Seattle are something out of a book. He introduces him as Jasper who owns a publishing company. Oh! I'm not ready for any of this.

"Hi." Is all I can think to say.

"Edward says you write. He also says you're beautiful, funny, sweet and a good worker." He chuckles and Edward glares at him and walks away.

"I write a little. A few chapters of a few books. A couple of short stories. Not much." I'm suddenly very nervous and shy.

"Well if you ever want me to look at any of it I would be happy too. Edward is a good friend and he seems convinced you are the next big thing." He chuckles again and I wonder if he's laughing at me or at Edward or if he just laughs a lot.

"Um you can look at my notebook if you want. Edward seems so excited. How good of friends are you with him?" I'm suddenly very nervous.

"He's been my best friend since freshman year of high school. So 10 years. Why?"

"Does he um like me, like me? Because if he does then I don't want to hurt him but I'm just I'm not ready for that and everything you said…"

"You have nothing to worry about. Edward has been in love with my little sister for the past two years. She's with some loser and so he won't tell her. We are all waiting for her to dump the guy. He's just super friendly and he likes everyone and sees the best in everyone." I feel so much better knowing I'm not stringing him along and that I don't need to distance myself from him.

"Why don't we get some lunch and I can look at some of your stuff?" He asks.

"Actually I need to start my shift. I get off in 4 hours," I start but Edward comes back and tells me to go.

Lunch is a blast. We talk and laugh and he reads through my stuff. He tells me I have a lot of potential and he can set me up to work with a good editor.

After he drops me back off at the motel and I feel really guilty for having that good of a time with a man that is not Sam. But I left Sam and Sadie and I can't go back. I feel happy and free here.

Over the next couple of months we spend more and more time together and I think I'm falling in love. Can you fall in love with someone when you still love your husband? The husband no one in your new life even knows exists along with your baby daughter. I can't believe she's five months old already. I miss her so much but I know she's better off without a mother who doesn't want to take care of her.

One night when Jasper picks me up to go out he seems different, nervous maybe. We go to a movie and a late dinner and while we are sharing a lava cake I figure out why.

"Bella, I know you are a lot younger than me and we've only known each other for a couple of months but I love you. I've never felt this way about anyone Bella." Holy crap. What do I do? Do I tell him I love him too? I do, I think. But I'm married! Do I tell him I'm married? No… not unless I'm ready to take my cash and hop another train. Oh my God! He's watching me so intently I think maybe he can hear my thoughts.

"I love you too Jasper." No good can come of this right?


	5. Chapter 5

Sam's POV

Sadie started crawling today. I feel so bad that Bella is missing all this stuff even though she made the choice to leave. Sometimes I wonder if she wants to come back but just feels too guilty. I worry about her so much. I haven't heard anything from her since the first postcard. Jake got a couple of more but nothing in months. At least not that's he's told me about.

I even hired a private investigator to look for her but nothing. He thinks she's using a different last name and she hasn't used her social security # for anything. I wonder what she's doing for money then.

If I could just talk to her I would give her anything she wanted. She could be free, we could get a divorce and I would take Sadie most of the time if that's what she wanted. Or maybe I could get her help and she would realize she was never trapped in the first place.

I would move with her to any big city she wants. Leah told me all about her plans. I feel like the world's biggest jerk even though I didn't know about any of it. I did pressure her into a life she didn't want. Even if neither of us realized it.

I would hire a nanny and give her anything her heart desires. I just want her back. I know Jake is looking for her too but he won't tell me anything. He spends hours a day calling motels and coffee shops and book stores and hospitals looking for her. He thinks she's probably using his last name but I had the PI search for that too. He's posted her picture on every social networking site that exists. Then he rubs it in my face that he's doing more than me. I don't have time to spend hours on the phone looking for what I fear is lost forever. Neither does he really. He ignores Leah and doesn't do anything other than go to work, come home and search. Leah is getting fed up with it and I don't think they will last much longer.

I wish I could tell Bella she is breaking up her two best friends. Even if she couldn't stay for me and Sadie I know she wouldn't want them to be absolutely miserable. I know she wouldn't want Jake to go insane.

Her parents tried to push their way into Sadie's life once they heard about her running away. I think they were hoping they could get custody. That was probably the one thing Jake and I have agreed on since she left. No way will they ever get near my little girl. Maybe if Bella had her mother to talk to she would still be here.

Maybe, maybe, maybe. But none of the maybes matter at all.

Leah's POV

I just finished making dinner and now I am sitting here waiting for Jake to come home so I can tell him I'm done. I'm not going to watch him waste his whole life away looking for her and acting like I don't exist. I get it, I do. She's his sister in every way that counts and she could be hurt or depressed and suicidal and maybe some crazy person locked her in a basement. No one knows. And the longer she is gone, the more I doubt we ever will and the crazier Jake gets.

I love Bella and I miss her like crazy but she left willingly and I'm not going to give my life up because she walked out on everyone who loves her.

"Leah, I'm home" Jake calls as he walks in. I don't say anything until he walks into the kitchen. Then I burst into tears, tell him I'm leaving him and take off. I plan on staying with my brother until I can find my own place.

I used to think fate brought Sam and Bella and Jake and I together. That's why I never really cared that Sam went from me to her to so quickly. It was meant to be.

But now maybe I think fate hates all of us. And fate's name is Bella.


	6. Chapter 6

Bella's POV

Today is my little girl's first birthday. If I can even call her my little girl anymore. I wish I could just check in on her. I've thought about going back but at this point I don't deserve too.

I'm usually able to pretend I'm happy enough that Jasper doesn't realize I'm miserable. But today I can't even get out of bed. I'm just laying here crying. He finally left for work even though he didn't really want to.

I have a whole life here now and it's everything I used to think I wanted. I moved in with Jasper a couple of months after meeting him since I was still living in the motel. I work at the coffee shop and I've made a lot of new friends. I've finished a book and it's doing very well. It's under a fake name but I'm still happy for it.

I spend most of my time with Jasper and or Edward when Jasper goes out of town.

I love Jasper. But sometimes I lie in bed and wonder if I will ever love him as much as I love Sam. I thought my love and memory of Sam and Sadie would fade but it doesn't. I still haven't told anyone about them. So many times I have considered telling Edward but Jasper is his best friend.

I get up and pick up the phone. I start to dial Jake's #. It's the only one I remember, he lives in the same house he grew up in but I hang up before anyone answers. Then I realize I'm an idiot because everyone has caller ID.

As soon as I hang up it rings. And even knowing I shouldn't I answer.

"_Hello?" _

"_Bella?"_

"_Jake." _

"_Oh my god Bella where are you?"_

"_I'm OK Jake. I'm happy. I'm with someone. I shouldn't have called. It's just well you know."_

"_Yeah I know. It's your daughter's first birthday. She's beautiful Bella. I miss you so much. Leah left me." _

"_Oh Jake why?" _

"_Because I've gone crazy looking for you." _

"_I'm so sorry. How is Sam? And Sadie?" _

"_Sadie's great. I take her every Sunday. She's the only thing me and Sam can get along over. And Sam, well never mind Bella. Just come home or tell me where you are and I'll come get you. I can help you get settled here. Get custody of Sadie; find a job, anything you need. You can stay with me." _

"_He's with someone isn't he?" _

"_Yes." _

"_I'm not coming back Jake. I told him to move on and forget I exist. I'm not going to show up and ruin it. I love him Jake. I won't hurt him like that again." _

"_Bella! You don't have to break them up. You're better off without him. Please Bella?" _

"_Jake, I have someone here. I can't walk out on him too. I have to go. Give Sadie a hug for me but please don't tell anyone about this. I love you so much Jake. Good bye." _

And I hung up before he could say anything else.

"Who was the Bella?"

"Edward! What the hell are you doing here?" Oh shit.

"Jasper asked me to stop in and check on you. I knocked but you didn't answer. Who are Jake and Sadie? And why does he want you to walk out on Jasper? Jasper loves you Bella."

"Sadie is my daughter." I whisper.

"Whoa, um OK. And Jake is her father?" He looks shocked but not angry. Yet.

"No her father's name is Sam. He is also my husband. Jake is just a really good friend. Edward I am so sorry for all of this. When I walked into your coffee shop I never planned for any of this! But you were so nice and so easy to be with and then Jasper. Oh god Jasper. I love him. I really do."

"But you love your husband too?"

"Yes. I thought it would go away. But every day I miss him and my little girl more and more. It doesn't matter though because he's moved on and I love Jasper and Sadie deserves a mother who won't walk out on her!" Now I'm sobbing and he sits next to me and holds me.

"Bella why did you leave them?"

So I tell him everything about my plans before Sam, and how happy I was to marry Sam and even happier to be pregnant and how at first Sadie and Sam were my whole world but then I felt so trapped. So I ran and hardly looked back until today.

"Did you ever talk to anyone about feeling that way Bella?" He's still not angry, more like incredibly concerned.

"No. I didn't want them to know what a horrible mother I was."

"Listen to me Bella. My sister had a baby and she went through almost the exact same feelings. But she talked to my mom about it and my mom had her talk to a doctor. It's called post-partum depression. She was put on some medicine and went to therapy for almost a year but she's happy now. You're so young Bella. I can imagine being married and having a baby seemed overwhelming but then if you were sick on top of that? You poor thing." And he hugs me close to him.

"How can you be so nice to me knowing all this? I've been lying to you for almost a year and worse than that I'm living with your best friend who things I'm this nice innocent girl when really I'm a terrible person with a husband and kid!"

"Jasper's going to be hurt Bella. But he will understand. Will he be able to get past it and stay in this relationship I don't know. But you need to go back to your family. At least to your daughter and hopefully you can get your husband back to. Your eyes light up when you say his name Bella. They don't do that for Jasper. He will be OK. But I'm not sure you will be if you stay. Call your friend. Have him pick you up. Tell Jasper tonight. If you need to you can come stay with me until Jake gets here."

Jasper was right. Edward really does see the best in everyone. Even when they don't deserve it at all.

I call Jake and he answers on the first ring.

"_Jake? I want to come home."_

"_I will leave right now Bella. It should only take me about 10 hours." _

"_You were already getting ready weren't you?" _

"_Yep. I love you Bella and I'm going to get you back and then get you your daughter back." _

"_I want them both." _

"_Then, as much as I hate him, I will try to help you get them both back." _

"_Love you Jake." _

"_Love you too Bella." _

I pack what little I have and curl back up into bed to wait for Jasper.


	7. Chapter 7

Sam's POV

I hear the doorbell and go to answer it expecting Leah or Emily. I've been dating Emily for just a couple of months. She's a really great woman and Sadie loves her but I really don't think I can keep this up for long. I'm dating her more because Leah talked me into it.

I miss Bella. I hate the fact that Sadie doesn't know her.

It's Jake at the door.

"I found her Sam. She's in Seattle. I'm going to get her. Please just give us a few days and I will bring her to see you and Sadie."

"You're serious? How did you find her?"

"She called me in what I guess was a moment of weakness. She called and hung up but I called right back and she told me she's fine but not coming back but then she called a little while later and asked me to pick her up."

"Let me go Jake."

"Hell no. You're the reason she left if you show up she might change her mind. Anyways I told her about Emily and she's also with someone. I mean I assume it's not serious since she's willing to leave with me and she said she wants you still. What are you going to do Sam? Will you take her back even after she basically cheated you for a year?"

Just then Emily walks up.

"You found her? Where is she? What excuse does she have for walking out? Surely she doesn't expect you to just dump me and hand Sadie over to her." Her expression goes from sad to angry as she talks.

"Sadie is hers Emily. You have no rights to her. You've known for what? Two months." Jake is pissed and I really don't blame him. No one knows what happened to Bella.

"That's just as long as Bella knew her."

"OK Emily you need to leave. I will call you tomorrow." I turn her around and walk to her car.

"Don't bother. I know it's always been her. I just really thought she would have the decency to not come back. And so even though she abandoned you and know cheated on you I know she still has your heart."

"I'm sorry Emily. You'll find someone who deserves you." I kiss her on the forehead and watch her drive off.

I don't know if I can forgive Bella for running away and being with some else but I know that Emily was just a distraction and she deserves better than that.

"Go get her Jake. But please don't keep her away from us too long. If she wants to see Sadie before she's ready to see me you can come pick her up and keep her as long as you want. Just please don't leave Bella alone with her. I don't think she would hurt her but then I didn't think she would walk out on us and I didn't think we would ever see her again. So I just don't want to take chances." He looks like he wants to argue but I can see he agrees.

He asks me to call Leah and tell her what's going on and takes off. Since Leah left him they won't talk at all.

After I get off I just hold Sadie. I can't believe she is already a year old. She's such a happy, beautiful baby. If nothing else I hope that Bella can be a good mother to her. Even if we can't work things out I will do whatever it takes to make sure they have a good relationship.

Leah's POV

Sam just called and said Jake is on his way to pick up Bella and I'm torn between happiness and anger. I'm so happy and relieved she is OK and coming back but I'm so incredibly angry that she walked out on Sam and her baby and caused me and Jake to break up. Most likely she was depressed and it was just too much for her but she should have told someone. Any of us would have helped her.

Sam will take her back even if he says he's not sure since she's been with someone. Jake of course has never felt that she has any blame in this. Sadie's too young to remember her but after a while she won't remember her ever not being there. But I just don't know if I can still be her best friend.


	8. Chapter 8

Bella's POV

"I am so sorry Jasper. I never meant for this to happen. I ran and I was just going to be me and just by myself. Then I met Edward and you and I felt happier than I had since Sadie was born and I thought I could just forget that life. But her birthday is today and I miss her so much. And I miss him, Jasper. I tried to deny it but I do. I love you too though. I don't want you to think that I don't. But Jake is coming to get me." He just stares at me.

"Bella, I just wish I had known all of this. You're so young and you've been through so much. You didn't need a relationship. But I love you Bella. How do you know you're feelings for him haven't changed? Maybe once you see him you'll realize that time has changed everything. And I'll be here for you then. And you're daughter if you'll let me. We can be a family. I know we can't cut him out but surely we can come to some agreement. I don't want to lose you but I'm not going to make things harder and fight for you."

I'm crying so hard I can hardly breathe. Jake is supposed to be in here like 4 hours and I fall asleep in Jasper's arms.

"Bella wake up. Your friend is here." Edward whispers and shakes me awake.

"What are you doing here? Is Jasper OK?"

"Not really but he will be. He didn't want to watch you leave. I made Jake stay out there while I woke you up but he's very anxious to see you. Are you ready for this?"

"I don't know! I don't know if I want to go back! Jasper was so understanding and I left Sam for a reason. Maybe Jasper was right and time changes everything and going back is a huge mistake!" I feel like I'm unraveling and suddenly it occurs to me that I've never actually broke down. I went from one life to the other like it was perfectly normal to do and now it's all falling down around me.

"Just calm down! Jasper told me exactly what he told you and he means it. You can come back to him anytime. So it can't be a mistake. And you left Sam because you were depressed and overwhelmed. You owe it to him and yourself and your daughter to see if things are different now. Why don't you take a few minutes to wake up, get yourself together and then come see Jake. I will help him load your things into his truck."

"Thank you so much Edward. You are really the most wonderful man there is. Any girl would be lucky to have you." I hug him and he walks back to Jake.

I get up and brush my hair and brush my teeth and walk the room killing time. Finally I walk to Jake.

He runs to me and grabs me and spins me around and I'm so happy to see him.

"Jakey! I didn't realize how much I've missed you! This is Edward" I tell him as he sets me down.

"This is the guy you've been with?" He looks at him like he wants to hit him.

"No, Edward is just a really good friend. Jasper left. He didn't want to see me leave. But neither of them knew about any of you. It wasn't their fault at all Jake."

"Jake, I think Bella suffers from post-partum depression. She needs for all of you to be understanding and she probably needs therapy too. And Bella please keep in touch. With at least me, we will both understand if it is too hard for you to talk to Jasper. But he loves you and he will always be there if you need him. We're going to miss you so much." He hugs me and I start crying and I think how it sucks that for the second time in a year I am giving up my life.

"Bella I think we should get a room for the night. I did just drive 10 hours straight." He does look exhausted now that I look at him.

I tell him that's fine but Edward insists me we stay at his house for the night.

We lay together in Edward's guest bed and he tells me everything I've missed from all of Sadie's firsts to his and Lee's breakup to just today when Sam let Emily walk away.

We fall asleep with him holding my hand almost like he's afraid I won't be there when he wakes up.


	9. Chapter 9

Jake's POV

When we get home Bella wants to go see Sam and Sadie right away and I know it's selfish but I really want her to myself for a couple of days. I offer to go get Sadie but she insists she needs to see Sam.

"Jake, I'm ready. Do I look OK? God Jake I'm really nervous." I tell her she looks beautiful and everything will be fine. Maybe I'm lying but what else would I do?

When we get there she jumps out of the car and I know the anticipation of seeing Sadie is outweighing her nervousness of seeing Sam. I watch her from the car and she almost just walks in but stops and knocks.

He opens the door and they just stare at each other and then Bella starts crying and he hugs her and pulls her into the house.

Sam's POV

Jake went to get Bella yesterday and of course he doesn't keep me updated so I have no idea what to expect when she shows up on my doorstep.

"Sam." She whispers and then bursts into tears. Some warning would have been nice jerk I think about Jake. Luckily Sadie is napping. I hug her tight and then pull her into the house and I see Jake pull away.

I hold her while she cries into me until she settles down and looks at me with those same big brown eyes that I love so much about her.

"Where's Sadie?" She finally asks and I think maybe that's the only reason she is here.

"Napping. Bella I missed you so much. Why did you leave us?"

"I don't really know Sam. Edward thinks I'm depressed. Or was, is I don't even know. It's not an excuse though. There is no excuse. I just woke up that morning and I felt like I couldn't breathe anymore. So I just left. And I met some great friends and…" She was about to say something about him, I can tell, "Then I started to miss you and Sadie so much but I felt like I didn't have the right to come back so I pretended I was happy and I was fooling everyone most of the time until yesterday, Sadie's birthday and I called Jake because I know his # because it's been his # since as long as I can remember and here I am."

"Bella I am so sorry I didn't notice how you felt. Jake thinks I forced you into marrying me and you weren't ready for Sadie and then Leah told me about your plans before we met. I know me and Leah broke up because she didn't want to marry me but I wouldn't have left you Bella. It was so different with you."

"I know that Sam and I never felt forced. And when Sadie came along I had never been happier. I don't know what happened. But I should have talked to someone not walked out. I was so worried that you would all think I was a terrible mother but then by walking out I just proved it. Can I please have another chance Sam? With you and Sadie? I promise to never leave you again. But if you say no I will understand and I will leave and you can pretend I never came back."

"How can you even think that Bella? I worried about you every single day! Some days I was so sure you were dead. No matter what, Sadie needs her mom."

"And you? Do you still need me? Want me?" She asks quietly.

"Do you love him?" I have to know.

She sighs but answers "Yes. But I love you more."

I tell her we should just take things slow. I make her some coffee and we look at all the pictures I've taken of Sadie over the last year. I always hoped she would come back and I knew she would want to know all she missed even though it made her sad. We decide she will stay with Jake for a while and we will start counseling for her and for both of us.

When Sadie wakes up Bella waits in the living room for me to bring her out.

"Dada, tat?" Sadie asks who she is and Bella starts crying quietly and wiping at her eyes so Sadie won't notice.

"Sadie, this is your mommy. Remember the pictures Daddy shows you?" She looks at her and then buries her head in my shoulder.

"I'm so sorry Bella. She's just so shy. She'll come around. It will just take some time." I feel awful.

"No I understand. She doesn't know me. Was she close to Emily? I don't her want her to lose anyone else important to her." I tell her no, we had only been together a couple of months and usually we went out while Sadie stayed with Leah or my mom.

"Does Lee hate me?" I'm really not sure.

"You would have to ask her yourself."

We sit on the floor and while she talks to Sadie and Sadie slowly comes around. Bella looks just like she did when Sadie was first born and I know then that they will be OK. I just have to figure out if we can be OK.


	10. Chapter 10

Bella's POV

For three weeks I've been back now. I talk to Edward every couple of days but I won't talk to Jasper. I need to fix my relationship and I don't need to think of Jasper as a like a backup plan. Edward says he's fine and I pretend like I believe him. Sam and Jake don't like me talking to Edward but he was my best friend for almost a year and I don't want to lose him like I've lost Lee. I've tried talking to her but she apparently blames me completely for her and breaking her and Jake up and really it is my fault.

My doctor didn't want to put me on pills since I seem to be over the actual depression. I am just trying to put my life in order now.

Jake has been really great even though he occasionally tries to convince me I should give up on Sam. I try to convince him he needs to fight for Lee. Neither of us will give in.

"Bella, Sam is here!" Jake yells from the front of the house. I wasn't expecting him but I'm always happy to see him.

I hear Jake let him in while I run to the room I'm using to brush my hair and change shirts.

As soon as I walk into the living room he hugs me and I just want to stay there forever.

"Let's go away for a few days Bella. My mom said she can keep Sadie and I can take the time off work and we can just get away and figure things out without someone else always there. I love you and I think we need a fresh start. Just us" Jake is glaring at him.

"Yeah that sounds nice. Where would we go and when would we leave? I really want to say goodbye to Sadie."

"Of course. Since I'm here why don't you get your stuff ready now and you can stay the night, then we can drop her off together in the morning. I don't care where we go; I just want to be with you."

"I don't think that's a good idea Sam, she's not ready." Jake says.

"Jake, I don't know what your issue is but I'm tired of you trying to keep me away from Sam. Before I came back you said you would help me but all you do is talk shit about Sam and try to keep me here. I'm done Jake. I'm a big girl and I can make my own decisions."

"Bella, I'm sorry. But he made you into something you weren't ready for and I just don't want to lose you again." Then I feel bad for snapping.

"If you don't want to lose me Jake, then let me go and stop telling me how much you hate Sam. I love you Jake but I l will pick Sam over you if don't stop."

I go to pack my stuff for the next few days and leave with Sam.

"Where are we going Sam? I thought we were staying at your house for the night?"

"You need to make up with Leah." Sneaky bastard.

"Sam she hates me, I've tried, and she won't talk to me."

But he drops me off at her house and waits in the car while I go inside.

"What do you want Bella?" she asks as she lets me into the house.

"Actually Sam made me come. But I want you back Lee. I miss you, you're my best friend and I'm trying to get my life back and you are a big part of that." I'm crying it and I hate it.

"I had a miscarriage Bella. I needed you then but you were off sleeping with some guy who isn't your husband and hanging out with your new best friend forgetting all about all of us who love you and worried about you every freaking day. When I found out I was pregnant I was so scared and the only person I wanted to talk to was you! And then I miscarried and I never told anyone. Jake never noticed anything because he was obsessed with finding you!" She bursts into tears and I don't know what to do.

"Lee I am so sorry. I don't even know what to say or do. I don't blame you even you never forgive me. I'm just going to go now. I'm so sorry. I love you Lee, I wasn't myself."

"Don't go Bella. I know you weren't yourself. I'm the one that told Sam I thought you were depressed. It's just so easy to blame you for everything. But I love you too Bella and I don't want to lose you forever." She gets up and hugs me and we stand there holding each other and crying until Sam walks in probably to check on us.

I tell her goodbye and promise to come see her once we get back from our trip. Sam tells me while he was in the car he made reservations at this little log cabin resort just a couple of hours away. We drive back to the house talking about anything and everything and it feels so much like it used to. When we get there Sadie is so happy to see me and I really feel like things are going to be OK.


	11. Chapter 11

Sam's POV

We had a great weekend at the cabin, and then we had to come home.

At the cabin we talked about a lot of the issues we had been avoiding including Jake's obsession with keeping us apart and her feelings for Jasper and to a point Edward. I now truly believe that Edward is nothing but a friend who probably is to credit for her staying in one place and possibly even being alive. I hate to think what could have happened if she bounced from place to place. I will am so grateful for him and I will accept him into her life.

Now Jasper is a completely different story. She told me she does love him and I understand you can't just turn that off. But she promised over and over that what they had was over and even though she wouldn't give up Edward she would never speak to Jasper again. And I believed her.

We will just have to watch Jake but I believe her when she says she says she won't let him come between us.

Overall we just enjoyed each other and reconnected in every way.

Once we got back home she got her stuff from Jake's house and even though I could tell he was pissed he kept his mouth shut. I guess he believed her too about her picking me over him.

For the first week things were awesome, her and Sadie are in a good place and we are doing great for the most part. It's been a lot of adjusting. Me and Sadie had our routine and throwing Bella into it has been hard. But like I said, it was all good even with the little issues.

Then she started getting sick a lot, puking every time she ate and sleeping way more than normal. We went to the doctor and holy crap, life sucks.

Bella's POV

I'm pregnant. Two months pregnant and so the baby is obviously Jasper's. Why is this happening to me? Sam isn't angry though he has every right to be. And he's left the decision up to me on whether or not to tell Jasper. He says he would rather raise the baby as his but at the same time he wouldn't want his kid out there and him not know about it. Leah thinks I should tell Jasper and Jake thinks I shouldn't.

So I left it up to Edward since he is the one person I can ask who actually knows Jasper.

And that is why me, Sam and Sadie are driving to Seattle right now. 10 hours with an active toddler who is angry she can't move and a moody husband who is being asked to play part time daddy to a baby your wife is carrying because she ran away after having your baby and spent most of the next year with someone else makes for a pretty miserable time.

"Sam, I'm so sorry for this. I thought we were careful but I guess I probably forgot some pills…" He stops me and tells me it's all in the past and we need to focus on the future.

I wonder how I got so lucky to end up with a man so forgiving and how I could have been so stupid. I understand now that yes, I was depressed but my bad decisions are going to affect a lot of people for the rest of our lives.

Once we get to Seattle and to Edward's house we crash for the night.

The next morning I wake up to Sadie crashed next to me and Sam not so I quietly get up to find him. I hear him and Edward in the living room and I stop to listen to what they are saying.

"Thank you so much for being there for her. It means a lot to me that you helped take care of her and even more that you helped convince her to come back to us." I hear Sam say.

"I love her, in a best friend, little sister kind of way. I'm glad you two could work things out but are you going to be able to stay with her with this?"

"Yes. I don't know how it's all going to work out and it's going to be hard but I know what it's like to be without her." I feel like the worst person in the world.

"Jasper loves her too. And he said he wouldn't fight for her but now, I don't know if he cannot. But she'll pick you."

"Mama!" Sadie yells as she runs up behind me and both Sam and Edward look up.

I say hey trying not to look too guilty.

"Dada!" Sadie starts to run to Sam but stops when she sees Edward.

"She's beautiful; she looks so much like you Bella." I don't see it at all. She has so much Sam in her. I scoop her up and sit on the couch next to Sam and we discuss the day.

Jasper is supposed to come over in a couple of hours so we can figure out how this is all going to work. Edward already told him I'm pregnant so we just need to try to settle details.

"Bella, what would you think about moving here? From what Edward says Jasper is not the type that's going to let his kid not know him. It might be easier. And now that I know you've always wanted to live in a bigger city… Plus you could keep writing and working with the same people, as long as that is OK with Jasper. I'm sure I can find work here. And maybe it would be a new start for our new and slightly bizarre life." Edward assures him Jasper would love for me to keep working with his company and I ask Sam but what about his family?

"You gave up your dreams to be my wife. I want you to be happy and I think you would be happier here than in a little town with little potential. We can visit my family and they can visit us."

I don't deserve him and I am going to spend every day of my life making sure he knows what a great man he is.


	12. Chapter 12

Jasper's POV

I've always thought I was unaffected by other people. I never really loved other than my parents and sister. I never needed anyone. Edward is the complete opposite from me and he is emotional enough for the both of us. I think sometimes people think we are a couple and that opposites definitely attract.

Then at 26 years old I meet my dream girl, the girl I didn't even know I was looking for. Yes, she's young but it never mattered because she is beautiful, and smart and funny and almost perfect.

Then I come home to this perfect girl one night and she tells me she has a husband and a baby and her old best friend is coming to pick her up and take her back to them. How did I miss something like that? I let her go because she obviously loves them and misses them and she belongs to them she thinks. Before she goes I tell her she can always come back to me.

Edward talks to her every couple of days and while I'm insanely jealous at least I know she's OK. Her husband forgives her and they are doing well, she's promised to not speak to me which I don't blame him for demanding. Her friend that picked her up is trying to keep her away from her husband. Maybe I like him? No, no I just want her to be happy.

A little over a month passes and now she is sitting in Edward's living room, holding her little girl with this man right beside her, carrying my child. Life is cruel. I've never really thought of kids but I'm pretty sure this isn't how anyone hopes for it to happen.

She keeps crying and I want to comfort her but I can't. Not that he's not doing it but I long to touch her, just one more time. Edward gets to touch her and Sam doesn't mind at all. Of course Edward didn't get her pregnant.

She's so young. How did I let this happen? She was on the pill. She's barely 20 years old. Barely not a teenager! Maybe, actually definitely, I shouldn't have left that all up to her. She ran away from him because of postpartum depression. What if she gets it again? Will she run from him back to me? Or will she run from both of us? I'm sure he's not that dumb, he'll probably watch her 24/7. And if he needs a break Edward will be there.

They say they will move here so I can be a part of the baby's life. This man is not normal. No one is this forgiving and cooperative. Well, maybe Edward. Bella must have some secret to attracting this type of person to her.

She asks if she can have her editing team back and of course I tell her yes. I would do anything for her even if she doesn't want me. The only thing I don't know if I can do is be so close to her but not tell her how I feel every time I see her, not reach out to touch her every time she passes by.

We discuss custody even though she's not due for another 7 months and finally we decide we will just see how it goes once the baby is born since they will be living close.

The discussion turns to Jake and how he seems obsessed with Bella and Sam and I finally have something to bond over. Nobody hurts her, this we agree on.


	13. Chapter 13

Bella's POV

The next few months were a blur as we got ready to say good bye to our friends and family and start our new life in Seattle. No one was happy but they all understood except for Jake and Sam's mom. Her I don't blame, Jake on the other hand is just being a jerk about it. He even tried to convince me to take Sadie and move to Seattle with him because a life with Jasper would be better than with Sam.

Mine and Sam's biggest argument since I've been back and I think maybe ever was over who gets to be in the delivery room. I want Leah if she can make it and him of course but I think Jasper deserves to be in there too. Jasper says he doesn't care either way and so even though I think Sam is being ridiculous he will probably win this one.

I've started on my second book, based loosely on my life. It's a drama.

Sam and Edward have become pretty good friends and he and Jasper tolerate each other. I feel so bad for Jasper having to watch us be a family while I know he still has feelings for me and knowing I still have feelings for him.

Once in Seattle we rent a cute little apartment in the same complex as Jasper and just 10 minutes away from Edward and the coffee shop where I will continue working and just a few minutes farther from where Sam is now working.

Things are going good. I try talking to Jake every few days but cut him off every time he starts his crap so we don't talk long.

Lee is planning on coming to visit once the baby is born. She's actually thinking about moving here and is looking for a job.

Sam and Jasper have compromised that fine Jasper won't be in the room at delivery but he gets to go to all my doctor appointments. It works out anyway because Sam just started this job so he can't take a ton of time off anyways.

At one of my appointments Jasper is really quiet and I'm worried.

"Jasper what's wrong?"

"This isn't fair Bella. Why does he get to keep you? I want you. I want to be your family. He can be the other dad. I promised you and now him I won't fight for you but it's so hard."

"I am so sorry."

"The worst part is I can't even hate him. I mean how could when he gave up his life to move here with you just so I could be a part of this baby's life?"

"He's a good man Jasper. One I never should have left."

"I know Bella, I know. But it doesn't make any of this any easier."

"I know."

The appointment goes well and the doctor expects I will go into labor in the next week.

Everything is all set for the baby, now we just wait.

Three days later I wake up at 2 in the morning in terrible pain.

"Sam, I think I need to go to the hospital. Now." We grab our stuff, call Jasper and Lee and head off.

Six hours later Alyssa Carmen is born.

"She is beautiful Bella." Jasper looks at her in awe. At the last minute we decided Jasper could be in the room, partly or mostly actually we didn't really think about where Sadie would be. So Sam is in the waiting room with her. We aren't the best planners. Lee should have already been here.

He stays for a few minutes than goes to sit with Sadie so Sam can come in.

"She really is beautiful Bella. Is it weird that I love her as much as I love Sadie?" Sam asks as he's holding her. She's so tiny in his arms.

"It's not weird Sam, you're going to be as big a part of her life as you are Sadie's. She's going to love you just as much as Sadie does. We just have to share her."

He only stays a few minutes since Sadie really needs to be home in her own bed not a hospital waiting room chair. The two of them plan to take turns staying with me until Lee shows up then she can help with Sadie.

"Bella how are we going to do this? I want to help you with her as much as I can. Would it be too hard on her to switch nights? I can take her every other night? Or like 24 hours at a time? I want to be with her all the time!" Jasper asks while holding Alyssa.

"I think at first 24 hours at a time might be too much Jasper. I'm not sure she will bond with either of us like that. Every other night should be fine though and then you can visit her as much as you want and take her for part of the days, whatever you want." Once again I feel like a horrible person for putting all of us in this situation.

The next day Lee gets in and Edward comes to visit and I am already so ready to be out of here. But I have to be cleared mentally and physically due to past issues.

Finally the next morning I can go, Lee and Jasper stay at our house with Sadie and Sam takes me and Alyssa home.

When I get home Sadie is yelling baby! baby! and I sit down on the floor so she can see Alyssa. She is so excited and I'm so happy that at least everyone loves Alyssa. She doesn't need to know the drama her life caused.


	14. Chapter 14

Bella's POV

"Sam don't go, I need you."

"I don't really want to go either but she's sick Bella and she needs all of us."

Sam's mom called at the beginning of the week saying his sister has gotten into drugs and there are having a family intervention. His sister has always looked up to him so his mom begged him to come down for a week. I can't go because Alyssa is only a month old and we don't' feel comfortable with her flying or with leaving her.

He kisses me and the girls goodbye and heads off to the airport.

Edward is coming to stay with me for the week. Even though I've had no symptoms of being depressed we all agreed that a week alone, even week Jasper taking her every other night, is just too much so soon.

Just as Edward knocks on the door a couple of hours later, the phone rings. It's Sam which is odd since he should be flying now. I let Edward in without saying anything to him as I answer the phone.

"_Sam? Aren't you flying now?"_

"_Bella, just listen. I don't think I have a lot of time. The plane engines died, it's going down."_

"_Oh god." _

"_We're not going to make it. I want you to know how much I love you and the girls. I hate that I won't get to see them grow up. But Bella, this is so important. I don't want you to let guilt or grief keep you from being with Jasper. He loves you and I know you love him too. He's a good dad to Alyssa and I know he will be just as a good a dad to Sadie and he will be good to you. Promise me Bella?" _

"_Sam no… You're going to be fine." _

"_Promise me Bella." _

"_Oh god Sam. I promise. I love you so much." _

"_I love you too Bella. You are the best the thing that ever happened to me. Good bye." _

"_Sam! No!" _

But he hung up. Later I realized he didn't want me to hear anything that happened on the plane.

"Bella what happened?" I hear Edward say reminding me he was there.

"Sam, his plane, not going to make it." I manage in between sobbing.

"Bella you need to settle down, I don't understand."

"TV, news."

He figures out to turn on the TV and just as I thought the plane is breaking news.

"Oh my god Bella. I just, I don't…" He stops because really what do you say?

He calls Jasper and has him pick up both the girls because Sadie does not need to see me hysterical and then he just holds me.

Over the next few hours I alternate in between a fitful sleep and hysterical crying and the occasional moment of disbelief. The disbelief never lasts long because there is constant coverage on the news and I refuse to let Edward turn it off.

Lee calls to tell Edward she is on the way.

Jake calls to check on me at which point I take the phone from Edward and hurl it across the room. He has no right to check on me when all he ever wanted was to take me away from Sam.

Sometime in the night they finally report that no survivors have been found.

At some point I'm pretty sure Edward drugged me because I fell into a deep sleep.

The next morning I wake up and for a moment I forgot all that happened the day before. Then it all comes flooding back and I scream before I burst into tears.

Edward comes running in at my scream and lies down beside me. Eventually I drag myself out of bed because even though I want to curl up into a ball and die I have 2 little girls who need me. Edward forces me to eat some breakfast and then puts me in the shower.

"Jasper can keep the girls until Lee gets here Edward. I'm not ready. She'll be here soon than she can take Sadie. I just need more time."

"He'll keep them both as long as you need and want him too. Don't worry about them."

"Sam wanted to tell me it was OK to be with Jasper. But how can it be right Edward? How can I pick Sam then run to Jasper after this?"

"Bella, all Sam and Jasper ever wanted was for you to be happy. You made right choice in Sam and we all, even Jasper, know it. Don't worry about all that right now."

He puts me back in my bed and I fall back into the fitful sleep of yesterday.

When I wake up again Lee in sitting in my bed watching me sleep.

"Lee, what am I going to do? I need him."

"I don't know what to tell you Bella. But I'll be here for you, and so will Edward and Jasper. Jasper desperately wants to see you. But he won't come unless you say it's OK."

"He can come. You'll stay at his house with the girls? I'm not ready for them yet."

She says that's fine, hugs me and leaves to switch places with him.

I don't think I can handle this.


	15. Chapter 15

Edward's POV

"Bella? You need to get up now. Leah has her interview in an hour and I have to go to work. Jasper is going to check on you in about an hour. Do you want me to make you some breakfast before I go?"

She slowly gets up and tells me she's not hungry. Trying to talk her into eating just makes her mad. Since Sam died a month ago she barely gets out of bed. Her therapist says she's not a danger to the girls, that if anything she would probably run again. But she still only takes care of them when she has too as she prefers to not leave the bed.

Leah has moved in with her and Jasper and I spend as much time helping out as we can, Jasper taking both girls most nights.

She'll really only talk to me or Leah and it is killing Jasper but I think she just needs time.

Her therapy has been increased to 3 times a week.

Sadie comes running in and jumps at Bella and she manages to catch her.

"Mama? Where dada?" Sadie asks her and Bella starts crying but she tries to hide it.

"Oh Sadie baby, Daddy had to leave us. But he's watching us baby, all the time."

"Jas new dada?" Sadie asks her then.

"No baby girl but Jasper loves you just like he loves Alyssa."

"Leelee new mama?" And at that Bella starts full out sobbing.

"Come on Sadie, let's get you some breakfast. Mama will be out in a minute."

Once she's settled with a waffle and a banana Bella comes out and sits next to her.

"Sadie, mama is so sorry I haven't been here for you. I don't realize how much you understand. Daddy is gone and I'm sad but so are you. I'm going to take of you baby. We can miss Daddy together and together we will be OK. We have a lot of people that love us and Alyssa. Leelee and Edward and Jasper. I'm sorry Sadie." And she hugs her like I haven't seen her do since Sam died and I think maybe she is going to come back to us.

I leave for work and she waves me off with a smile.

Bella's POV

Checking out of life like I did was almost as bad as running. And really I'm not sure I was that far from running again. Then seeing and hearing my poor confused little girl thinking Lee is her new mama because that's who's been taking care of her broke my heart but it made me snap back to reality. I wonder if Alyssa thinks the same thing. She's only an infant but she must notice my lack of presence.

I had a wonderful morning with Sadie and Alyssa and when Jasper came to check on us I was covered in paint as was Sadie while Alyssa napped on the living room floor.

"It looks like you two are having fun." He says as he walks in and Sadie runs up to him getting paint all over his clothes and we both crack up.

"You look amazing Bella." He's in shock.

"It's definitely the paint. Do you have awhile or do you have to get back?"

"I can stay as long as you want me to." More shock, I've barely talked to him in the last month.

So I clean up myself and Sadie and put her down for her nap. Then I tell him what she said this morning and apologize for not being a good mom for the past month.

"Thank you for doing so much for the girls. I can start keeping Alyssa every other night, and you don't have to take Sadie anymore."

"I love Sadie just as much as I love Alyssa. I don't mind taking her."

"Well OK then, but don't feel bad if you change your mind."

"The other thing Jasper, about us, I just…" I'm trying to say that maybe one day, but it's too soon.

"I will wait for you for as long as I need to Bella. I understand this is not the right time but I love you and I know you love me. Just don't worry about it; things will happen when they happen."

I'm crying and he feels bad and I'm trying to tell him I'm not sad but he just holds me.

"We can be friends?" I ask him tearfully.

"Always."


	16. Chapter 16

Leah's POV

As the months went on Sadie and Alyssa got bigger, Bella got better and Jasper and Bella kind of fell into a relationship without either of them noticing just as Edward and I were starting our own new relationship. The voices in my head tell me I'm crazy because the last time I dated Bella's best friend he went insane, not by any fault of mine of course. But to be this happy is worth ignoring those voices.

Jasper had started sleeping over at our apartment most nights because Alyssa refuses to be away from Bella and Sadie, crazy as it is refuses to be away from Jasper, and the girls refuse to be away from each other. And because there are only two rooms and Bella is a terrible person to sleep with, she seriously kicks like an insane person; I started sleeping at Jasper's apartment. Soon more of his stuff was at my place and same with my stuff at his. At first I just slept there but as time went on they seemed like such a family that I felt they needed space and so did Edward so the time he spent with them slowly changed to time spent with me.

We would have dinner together most nights and then watch a movie or TV and just talk. We were cooking one night and he came up and scared the crap out of me and I turned around to yell at him but he looked at me and started laughing, then I started laughing and then he kissed me. And I wanted to fight it but I didn't and here we are.

"Leah, do you think we should tell Bella and Jasper they are basically a couple without the sex?" He asks me seriously.

"I don't think so. They will figure it out when they are ready or when she's ready. I know he's always been ready. Not that he didn't respect Sam; I think they could have even been friends one day. It hasn't really been that long; I mean how long do you get to mourn before you have to move on?"

"Yeah, I guess you're right." I usually am.

"Have you heard from Jake since Bella changed her #?" He asks.

"Ha, yes. He's called a few times. I never answer. Looking back I see that he was always in love with her but she never had those feelings for him and he knew. But after she came back he figured she was weak and he could use that. When he tried to convince her to come to Seattle with him and be with Jasper I think he was going to take her somewhere else and use Sadie and the baby against her. I kind of wish he didn't know where she lived. Especially now."

"Wow. If you really think that I will tell Jasper and we will make sure even if he shows up he won't get near her."

"She just has such bad luck Edward, and you can't watch her always. But yeah tell Jasper."

Bella's POV

They all think that I've not noticed the way Jasper and I are. They little ways we touch each other and work together perfectly. The way he makes me laugh like I haven't laugh in months and the way he looks at me like I'm a princess. The way Sadie adores him and he adores her right back. Most of the time I am taking care of Alyssa and Sadie is stuck to him.

I've not stupid, I've noticed it all, I'm just not sure I want to take it to the next level. All it's going to take is one kiss for everything to change and I feel like that will be giving Sam up. Even though I know it is what Sam would want for me.

I'm not going to wait forever; I'm just hoping I know when the time is right.


	17. Chapter 17

Jasper's POV

The girls are down for bed, the house is straightened up and Bella is sitting on the couch trying to stay awake.

"Bella why don't you go to bed?"

"I don't want to." She's says like that's obviously the answer.

"Why? Alyssa is asleep already." If you go to the room before she is asleep she jabbers at you forever.

"Oh I know. It's just that, I miss you when I go to bed lately. I know you are just in the next room but I want you with me. I think I'm ready for more Jasper. If you think that we won't ruin everything I mean. I love you." I knew she did. But she hasn't said it since she left me to go back to Sam.

"Oh Bella I love you too. And I know we won't ruin things. But we can take things slow."

"But you can sleep in my bed with me tonight? Please?"

"I would love to but if Sadie wakes up she'll flip out." Alyssa has a crib in Bella's room while Sadie has her crib in my room since that's who each girl tends to want.

"Oh right, you're right." She looks so sad.

"Maybe tomorrow we can move things around so the girls are in the same room and explain to Sadie that if she needs me I will be with you."

She agrees and I finally convince her to go to bed.

She loves me. I know she's loved me for a long time. Since the night she told me, but to hear her say it after so long and after everything that has happened is so, I don't even know how to describe it.

The next day we moved Alyssa into Sadie's room and explained everything to Sadie. Bella was worried she would be confused or ask too many questions but she is just excited to be in the same room as Alyssa. I see a lot of non-sleep in the future. Maybe it's time we look for a bigger place.

"Let's do something Bella. Just us. I'm sure Leah won't mind keeping the girls."

"No, I'm sure she won't. Plus it will be good practice for her and Edward." She smiles. Leah and Edward have been getting closer and closer.

So the next day we go to lunch and then shopping at this huge flea market. And for the first time in what seems like forever it was OK to touch her, kiss her, hold her hand and tell her I love her.

Bella's POV

Every time Jasper says he loves me it makes me so incredibly happy followed by a second of guilt. It's hard to think that after everything I put him through and Sam through that I deserve this. But I know Sam meant what he said and that he would want me to do what makes me happy. Jasper makes me happy. He's also an incredible father and Sam knew that too. Sadie and Alyssa will both grow up knowing how much Sam loved them.

Later that evening when I pick up the girls I tell Lee how happy I am but how I feel so guilty and she tells me everything I have already told myself about how all Sam ever wanted was for me to be happy and for me and the girls to be loved.

"You seem happy Lee. I hope things work out forever for you too. I still feel awful about Jake."

"I don't think all that was even your fault Bella. I think Jake was in love with you." She looks sad but something else maybe too.

"And…" trying to get her to spit whatever the rest of this story is out.

"I think he was going to kidnap you and Sadie had you agreed to come to Seattle with him. And I don't think he's going to stay gone forever. Edward knows and Jasper knows. We didn't want to overwhelm you but I think you need to be aware."

"Lee that's crazy! Jake would never hurt me and there is no way he loved me. We grew up like brother and sister. He's like my brother."

"Really? He would never hurt you? Then why did he try so hard to break you and Sam up? He knew Sam made you happy. And I get that he blamed Sam for you running but he didn't like Sam before that and even after when we all know you left because you were sick and not truly unhappy. I know you feel like he's a brother to you but did he ever say he felt like that? Or did you just assume? And why would he bring you back to Seattle to be with Jasper when he was so willing to take you from Jasper when even then he knew you wanted to be with Sam. He knew you were weak and vulnerable so he promised he would help you get Sam back but that was never his intention. And then when you got pregnant it seemed like the perfect opportunity to him. I'm sorry Bella."

"How did I never realize any of this?" I start crying just as Edward walks in.

Lee catches him up on the conversation and they lead me to sit down to cry. One of them texts Jasper and he comes to get me and the girls and I fall asleep so fast I don't even get to enjoy our first night together. Hopefully there will be many more to come.


	18. Chapter 18

Jasper's POV

Since Bella and I had been an official couple for a little over a year I finally decided to propose. I planned it with Edward and Leah so the girls were taken care of and everything was perfect.

Until she said no. She said that as much as she loves me and wants to be with me forever she will always be Sam's wife. I was crushed. And I realized that sounds like a teenage girl emotion but it's the truth.

But I love her and marriage isn't a deal breaker. But now as I lay here in our bed listening to Bella dream talk to, or about, Sam and crying I'm not sure I stay. I know she will always love him but I thought she was past this. Not over him so much as moved past him?

I spend most of the next day avoiding her and I can see that I'm hurting her but I'm not sure I can trust myself to not her hurt her more by talking to her. But at dinner she literally pushes me into a corner and demands to know what my issue is.

"Bella, I heard you dreaming about Sam. And I know he will always be your first love and your husband but I just don't know if I can spend my life being second to him." She starts sobbing and I feel awful and instantly know that I will never ever let her go, second or not.

"Bella, I'm sorry…" but she cuts me off.

Still sobbing, "It was our wedding Jasper. Sam was giving me away. He gave me to you. In my mind I could only be his wife but he showed me that it wasn't like that. I can always love him but be yours too. I want to be yours." She barely whispers the last part and she looks so scared, like I could ever deny her. I pull her into me and kiss her and of course at that exact moment Sadie bursts in with a very pregnant Leah following behind.

"Mommy! Daddy! Lee-Lee bought me so much stuff!" Edward has money, and since Leah is now married to him she has money. And while Leah hardly ever spends money on herself she spoils Sadie and Alyssa like crazy. Which basically means Sadie and Alyssa are spoiled rotten because they are my little girls… if Leah doesn't buy it I will. Bella and Edward just roll their eyes. I'm sure their soon to be born son will be just as rotten.

"Thanks Lee, I got so much work done with just Alyssa here!" Bella tells her as Leah collapses on the couch.

Where Sadie is demanding Alyssa is so laid back and will play for hours by herself only asking for help when absolutely needed. So Leah takes Sadie a few times a week so Bella can write or whatever. Edward refuses to let her work. Not that Leah put up a fight, Leah wins all fights.

"Why were you crying?" Leah asks Bella suddenly.

"Um, well I dreamed about Sam and he was giving me away in my wedding to Jasper and I was talking in my sleep and Jasper took it the wrong way but everything is good now." She rattles off.

"Does this mean I can start wedding planning?" Leah has renewed energy at the thought.

"I don't want a big thing, maybe just us and a few people from work Lee." Bella looks nervous at the thought of a huge wedding.

"I know you Bella. I did help you plan the first one remember. And I already know you will want it completely different than that one. I love you Bella. I'm so excited! I'm going to go home and tell Edward!" And gets up and hugs both of us and the girls and leaves as fast as she can.

"Well I'm pretty sure Lee just appointed herself wedding planner." Bella looks overwhelmed.

"We don't even have to have a wedding if you don't want to. We could just do it at the courthouse or we could elope. Just us and strangers as witnesses or just Edward and Leah. Whatever you want."

"Let me think about it OK? I think a small wedding would be nice though so the girls can be involved."

"Um, Jasper?" Bella looks nervous all the sudden.

"What is it?" I ask nervous now too.

"This probably sounds stupid but I think I'm pregnant. I was pregnant in the dream and now that I think about it I'm really tired all the time. I thought it was just Sadie and Alyssa being so active but then today I threw up after breakfast and lunch. "

"Would that be OK?" I ask cautiously.

"Well it would have to be, I just don't understand how. I take my pill every day, well most days I think. I'm so sorry Jasper!" and she's crying again.

"It's OK! I would love to have another baby." Preferably a boy so we don't have 3 teenage girls in the house one day but I leave that part out. "And it's not your fault, you're busy and the girls run you ragged. If you are, after this one is born we will look into something you don't actually have to remember." She throws herself into my arms still sobbing. She has been a lot more emotional lately…

I text Edward asking him to go buy her a test because I really want to know now. I'm impatient like that. 45 minutes later both him and Leah show up and Bella and Leah go into the bathroom together. When we hear the screaming a few minutes later we both know she is.

"Good luck man." Edward looks scared for me.

One month later little Christian is born to Leah and Edward. I look forward to the new baby being born into peace and not drama like Alyssa was even though Bella is terrified something terrible is going to happen once they're born.

Something bad always happens after she has a baby she says. I can't really argue with her, just do everything I can to make her feel better.

Six months later we have a tiny wedding with just us and Edward and Leah and the kids in the backyard of our new house.

And one month later Nathan Craig is born. The first few months passed quickly and with no issues. Then one morning we are walking out for one of Nathan's many newborn checkups when we see Jacob sitting in his car in the driveway.

Bella starts flipping out thinking this is the bad thing that's going to happen and starts hyperventilating. He goes to her and I can't do a whole lot while holding Nathan and dragging the girls behind me.

"I'm not going to hurt you Bella. I guess from your reaction you figured me all out. I'm here to say I'm sorry Bella. So sorry. I lost everything when you left. I went crazy. Got into drugs really bad. But then a good friend talked me into rehab. And once I saw things clearly I felt so bad for all the things I did to you. Or wanted to do to you. I'm glad you're happy. I'm glad Lee is happy. I loved both of you."

"I loved you Jacob. You were my best friend. You were always the one I wanted to turn to. But you hurt me so much. I accept your apology because I can see you mean it but you cannot be in my life anymore." And she takes Nathan and puts him in the car and then puts both the girls in the car and gets in. He looks hurt but what did he really expect?

"Thank you for taking care of her." He tells me and then gets in the car and leaves.

After that she seems at peace, not worrying about something bad happening.

As the years go on of course bad things happen but nothing that we can't get through together. Nothing that is stronger than our love.

I look at her sometimes and think about the young girl who was running who captured my heart when I thought I didn't need anyone.

She has her issues, who doesn't? But everyone who knows her and is loved by her is better for it.

_The End_


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